Will You Be Bitter or Be Better?!

We all have disappointments in life-whether it’s in a job or an experience or a person…or even in ourselves. But how we handle those disappointments really determines the outcome.

Bitterness brings on a ton of unhealthy emotions and feelings that are hard to let go of, especially after a lot of time has passed. What if we took that same energy and applied to being BETTER instead of BITTER!?

I’m not perfect… never have been and never will be. So don’t misunderstand. I’ve been known to hold grudges sometimes or fail to overlook or even refuse to forgive. But when I focus on being better instead of being bitter, there are so many reasons to celebrate.

Here are my Top 3 favorite ways to be better rather than bitter…

1-Service Above Self: yes, it’s the well-known mantra of Rotary International, of which I am proud to be part of, but it’s also much like a phrase you’ve most likely heard your entire life… the Golden Rule. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Remember the popular definition of character? Doing the right thing even when no one is looking?

That’s what Service Above Self means to me. Like getting up on a rainy Saturday to serve lunch at the local Rescue Mission or volunteering in the hot sun for a Special Needs Baseball game. No matter how depressed or exhausted or angry I felt when I walked in, I felt so much better about life when I walked out.

2-Choose Your Relationships Wisely: The people you associate with on a daily basis speak volumes about your character as a person. Remember your parents telling you nothing good ever happens if you’re out and about at 3am? Or maybe your mom was like mine – “if your friends jumped off a bridge does that mean you would too?” It’s still true today. If you’re seen having lunch every day with those who gossip about your friends or co-workers, you’ll be associated with them and people will assume you’re gossiping too. Maybe that’s a lame example, but you know what I mean…

3-Smile It Off: As in…that Taylor Swift song “shake it off,” except just SMILE it off! A nice, relaxing, pleasant smile can go a long way in diffusing a situation or putting someone at ease. (And to be honest, it can help you “bite your tongue” when you need to also!) For me, it also helps me to “think before I speak” sometimes-and that is a huge help in trying to be better rather than bitter.

What about you? What advice do you have to be better each day and let go of bitterness and resentment?

Take Time To Rest

Like many of you, the week of July 4th was vacation time for us, some “down time” to relax and recharge. Maybe some of you are doing that this week. Take advantage of the opportunity when you get it. I’ll be the first to admit it’s hard for me to slow down. And even on vacation, I worked every single day. But I can do that from my laptop and hey, I still gotta pay the mortgage so….

But when the post office opened on July 6th, I had more than 40 items ready to ship out from my Ebay store that sold while I was on “vacation.”

Vacations are important for a lot of reasons – a chance to spend time with family and friends, visit historical sites, catch up on a book or tv series, or just simply, to rest! And while I always make time to work while I’m away, I also make time to rest. According to many professional sources, relaxation, rest and sleep (I’m still working on that one) are vital factors to not only your physical health, but also your mental health. 

I know many of you are a lot like me – you go, go, go, go…. until you just can’t go anymore!  Then it takes a few days to recover once you give out. I’m trying to do better.

“If you get tired, learn to rest not quit.”

Here’s a website with some great tips for relaxation, rest and even sleep if you need a few ideas, suggestions or just a little encouragement!

Get some rest my friends…I’ll see you soon!

You’re my people…

Have you ever wanted to do something so badly, but put it off so many times that you almost gave up completely? I mean so badly – with the best of intentions – but you feel like you’ve already failed, so why bother?

“People will think I’m crazy if I do it this late…”
“I doubt anyone even cares about this anymore…”
“It won’t even make a difference at this point…”

That’s been me with my weekly e-news and blog… let’s be honest… for a while now! It’s worse than a relationship I was in several years ago…on again, off again, on again, off again…

Every time I quit, I say I’m going to start back. And every time I DO start back, I quit again when things get busy or when things get difficult. In the last year, I’ve lost friends who I thought would always be beside me, I’ve lost jobs I thought for sure were mine to get, and I’ve lost six family members to death – including my mother. But those are just excuses. One after another after another.

“You cannot cross the sea merely by standing and staring at the water.”

I’m so grateful for the friends, family members, business associates and Rotarians around the globe who encourage me, support me and remind me to never, ever give up on my dreams and goals. I’ve run into people all across this country who ask, “When are you going to send another one of those great emails? I miss your quotes and stories!”

If you’re reading this today, you are one of those people, you’re “my people,” and I thank you. And I’d like to be one of those people for you in return.

Let’s do this…together…again. Are you with me? Leave me a comment below and let me know how I can encourage you. What do you want to start new or again?

Expiration Dates

A few months ago I noticed one of those little yellow squeeze bottles in the door of my fridge. You know, the ones shaped like lemons and filled with 100% REAL Lemon Juice. Not only could I not remember using it recently, I didn’t even remember buying it!

Upon further inspection, I noticed an expiration date printed on the side. WHOA! Let’s just say I’ve aged a little bit since that lemon juice expired in my refrigerator! YIKES!

I quickly tossed the little squeeze bottle into the trash, shaking my head at myself. I never knew those things even HAD an expiration date. Which got me thinking…well, don’t we all?

Food is an easy one to remember (ok, maybe not for me…), but what about all those other things that expire before we use them? Things like coupons (I don’t know why I save all those fast food ones I get in my mailbox every month! I have NEVER used them before, but maybe one day….maybe??), gift certificates (those make me so mad at myself if I forget to use those!), prescriptions, running shoes (ok let’s be honest…I have never had that problem but I know people who do), and so much more.

What I quickly realized, though, is WE also have an expiration date – people, pets, jobs…But rather than stress out over what our expiration date might be, we should concentrate on what we will do BEFORE that date.

Maybe you’re like me and have a “bucket list” of things you want to see or do one day. But I’m not talking about a bucket list here…I’m talking about personal stuff. Spending time with friends and family…rekindling a strained relationship…losing weight or slowing down or getting healthy.

My bucket list is long and varied. But my list of “things to do before my expiration date” is fairly simple. Love and be loved. Leave this world a little better than I found it.  And quite honestly I have to work on both of those every single day. What about you?

Unfortunately, we aren’t like a bottle of lemon juice – we have no idea what our expiration date may be or what our “shelf life” will be. So don’t you think it’s time to get started on those things that make each day more satisfying?

Nobody Likes A Bully!

The past few weeks have been overwhelmingly emotional for me, for a variety of reasons… my first Mother’s Day without my mom, an elective surgery for my dad, the pressure to increase my professional workload while building a new small business, my innumerable volunteer responsibilities, and a ridiculous encounter with a “friend” that caused me pain and self doubt. And those are only a few…

But what that last experience did for me, though, was remind me of how much I dislike bullies. After the confrontation, I went through many hours of uncontrollable sobbing and fewer hours of sleep. I woke up, looked in the mirror, and didn’t like what I saw. I had bloodshot and puffy eyes, a red nose, huge dark circles and a harsh realization that I was the only person in that “relationship” who was upset. I’m certain the other person didn’t lose sleep or become physically sick from the episode. So why did I?

It was right then and there that I declared “No More.” No more will I succumb to bullies. No more will I let negative people bring me down to their level, ruin my day (or week), or upset me.

By now you’re probably thinking, “yeah, right…you? YOU were bullied?” You betcha…and it wasn’t pretty. Even worse, when I reflected back on the situation, I realized just how many times it’s happened to me just this year!

But here’s the best part…when it happened again the next week (not with the same “friend” – I’m not a masochist!), this time I responded differently. I smiled. Sweetly. (With my lips closed.) I nodded. And then I looked away. I didn’t even reply. And then I moved on.

I wish I could say that’s been my new response every time someone has bullied me or insulted me or even said something stupid or mean recently. It’s not. But I’m definitely getting better at it. One day at a time. I still intend to speak up and defend myself (or those I love) when appropriate (you can’t expect me to never say anything at all, right?), but I will NOT let those people affect my emotions and my personal well-being.

After all, you can’t control how people will treat you. But you can control how you will respond to those people and those negative situations.  Harsh words still hurt. But now I look at them differently. I will not lose sleep over a bully. I will not cry because of a bully. I will not consider myself unworthy because of a bully.

Because I know there are more important things to lose sleep over…like watching a sunrise, directing a friend’s wedding, going to a football game, or even catching an early morning flight. Yeah, I’ll keep losing sleep for those things…