Will You Be Bitter or Be Better?!

We all have disappointments in life-whether it’s in a job or an experience or a person…or even in ourselves. But how we handle those disappointments really determines the outcome.

Bitterness brings on a ton of unhealthy emotions and feelings that are hard to let go of, especially after a lot of time has passed. What if we took that same energy and applied to being BETTER instead of BITTER!?

I’m not perfect… never have been and never will be. So don’t misunderstand. I’ve been known to hold grudges sometimes or fail to overlook or even refuse to forgive. But when I focus on being better instead of being bitter, there are so many reasons to celebrate.

Here are my Top 3 favorite ways to be better rather than bitter…

1-Service Above Self: yes, it’s the well-known mantra of Rotary International, of which I am proud to be part of, but it’s also much like a phrase you’ve most likely heard your entire life… the Golden Rule. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Remember the popular definition of character? Doing the right thing even when no one is looking?

That’s what Service Above Self means to me. Like getting up on a rainy Saturday to serve lunch at the local Rescue Mission or volunteering in the hot sun for a Special Needs Baseball game. No matter how depressed or exhausted or angry I felt when I walked in, I felt so much better about life when I walked out.

2-Choose Your Relationships Wisely: The people you associate with on a daily basis speak volumes about your character as a person. Remember your parents telling you nothing good ever happens if you’re out and about at 3am? Or maybe your mom was like mine – “if your friends jumped off a bridge does that mean you would too?” It’s still true today. If you’re seen having lunch every day with those who gossip about your friends or co-workers, you’ll be associated with them and people will assume you’re gossiping too. Maybe that’s a lame example, but you know what I mean…

3-Smile It Off: As in…that Taylor Swift song “shake it off,” except just SMILE it off! A nice, relaxing, pleasant smile can go a long way in diffusing a situation or putting someone at ease. (And to be honest, it can help you “bite your tongue” when you need to also!) For me, it also helps me to “think before I speak” sometimes-and that is a huge help in trying to be better rather than bitter.

What about you? What advice do you have to be better each day and let go of bitterness and resentment?

Take Time To Rest

Like many of you, the week of July 4th was vacation time for us, some “down time” to relax and recharge. Maybe some of you are doing that this week. Take advantage of the opportunity when you get it. I’ll be the first to admit it’s hard for me to slow down. And even on vacation, I worked every single day. But I can do that from my laptop and hey, I still gotta pay the mortgage so….

But when the post office opened on July 6th, I had more than 40 items ready to ship out from my Ebay store that sold while I was on “vacation.”

Vacations are important for a lot of reasons – a chance to spend time with family and friends, visit historical sites, catch up on a book or tv series, or just simply, to rest! And while I always make time to work while I’m away, I also make time to rest. According to many professional sources, relaxation, rest and sleep (I’m still working on that one) are vital factors to not only your physical health, but also your mental health. 

I know many of you are a lot like me – you go, go, go, go…. until you just can’t go anymore!  Then it takes a few days to recover once you give out. I’m trying to do better.

“If you get tired, learn to rest not quit.”

Here’s a website with some great tips for relaxation, rest and even sleep if you need a few ideas, suggestions or just a little encouragement!

Get some rest my friends…I’ll see you soon!

#50For50 in 2020

2020. Some folks are calling this new year “visionary” – they want to “see things more clearly,” or “look at things differently.” All that’s true for me too, but I’m taking it one step further. This year, 2020 will be transformational for me.

By very definition, it means a thorough or dramatic change in form or appearance. And since this year happens to be a “big one” for me age-wise, there’s no better time than now to make some important, and dramatic, changes.

That’s right…2020 is the year I will turn 50 years old. How did this happen? Just yesterday, I was in my early 30s moving to NC to start a new life. And I did. And I have no regrets. (Ok, maybe a few, but I learned from them all and I’ve moved on, so we’ll skip right over those.) But seriously, how am I about to become 50 years old??

It just so happens, this is also when I will complete my “year of service” as District Governor for Rotary International District 7670. The first 6 months have flown by – how can this year be half over? So by the time my birthday rolls around in September, I’ll be known in Rotary as a “Past District Governor” (aka a “has-been”) and I will look back proudly on the things we accomplished, as well as those things we tried.

With my fellow #RotaryGeek friends, we’ll remember the laughs, the tears, the trials, the victories and even the disappointments.

So how do I top 2019? It was a remarkable year – I was installed as district governor, completed a 1- mile “Mud Run” obstacle course, interviewed the Governor of South Carolina, dressed up like a pirate, a Southern Belle and Cinderella, and flew across the country to share my passion for The CART Fund. I celebrated special occasions with friends and shared their heartaches. I loved deeply and laughed often. So how do you top that?

You just have to try. So that’s what I’ll do in 2020 by trying 50 new things before the year is out, and documenting them here and on social media with #50for50.  I have a few ideas to start, but the list isn’t completed yet. Hopefully you’ll share your ideas with me too – no promises though! I have a few goals of things to do – a yoga class (hopefully more than one!), a 5K (probably only one!) and skeet shooting, as well as places to go and people to meet.

I hope you’ll join me on this journey this year. My intent isn’t to brag about what I get done (there’s always the possibility I don’t finish it), instead it’s to remind us that we can all do whatever we want, if we just try.  In 2020, I will focus on growing my business, improving my health, visiting new places, meeting new people and trying some new things! Doesn’t a half-century of life deserve that?

Nobody Likes A Bully!

The past few weeks have been overwhelmingly emotional for me, for a variety of reasons… my first Mother’s Day without my mom, an elective surgery for my dad, the pressure to increase my professional workload while building a new small business, my innumerable volunteer responsibilities, and a ridiculous encounter with a “friend” that caused me pain and self doubt. And those are only a few…

But what that last experience did for me, though, was remind me of how much I dislike bullies. After the confrontation, I went through many hours of uncontrollable sobbing and fewer hours of sleep. I woke up, looked in the mirror, and didn’t like what I saw. I had bloodshot and puffy eyes, a red nose, huge dark circles and a harsh realization that I was the only person in that “relationship” who was upset. I’m certain the other person didn’t lose sleep or become physically sick from the episode. So why did I?

It was right then and there that I declared “No More.” No more will I succumb to bullies. No more will I let negative people bring me down to their level, ruin my day (or week), or upset me.

By now you’re probably thinking, “yeah, right…you? YOU were bullied?” You betcha…and it wasn’t pretty. Even worse, when I reflected back on the situation, I realized just how many times it’s happened to me just this year!

But here’s the best part…when it happened again the next week (not with the same “friend” – I’m not a masochist!), this time I responded differently. I smiled. Sweetly. (With my lips closed.) I nodded. And then I looked away. I didn’t even reply. And then I moved on.

I wish I could say that’s been my new response every time someone has bullied me or insulted me or even said something stupid or mean recently. It’s not. But I’m definitely getting better at it. One day at a time. I still intend to speak up and defend myself (or those I love) when appropriate (you can’t expect me to never say anything at all, right?), but I will NOT let those people affect my emotions and my personal well-being.

After all, you can’t control how people will treat you. But you can control how you will respond to those people and those negative situations.  Harsh words still hurt. But now I look at them differently. I will not lose sleep over a bully. I will not cry because of a bully. I will not consider myself unworthy because of a bully.

Because I know there are more important things to lose sleep over…like watching a sunrise, directing a friend’s wedding, going to a football game, or even catching an early morning flight. Yeah, I’ll keep losing sleep for those things…

Spoiler Alert…There is no box…

I’ve never been a big fan of that phrase “think outside the box.” To me, it implies that you’ve been thinking INSIDE the box, or even worse, that you HAVE a box. I prefer to believe there is no box and instead I just think bigger, better, bolder and braver than ever before.

I can’t even count the number of times I’ve heard that phrase in seminars, classes and workshops. Too many to count. Probably the same for you. But I promise you’ll never hear me use it when I speak or when I teach.

Don’t get me wrong…I love to be creative. I pursue that love through writing, speaking, planning special events, organizing my wardrobe and accessories, and even decorating my house. But I’ve never been one to follow the status quo in any of those categories.

Catchphrases like “thinking outside the box” are examples of how we routinely tell people to be creative yet we use clichés whenever possible.  Doesn’t “thinking outside the box” literally mean to do something other than the obvious? #Irony

Next time you’re tempted to use a cliché in conversation, consider the alternatives. Forget there’s a box (throw it out) and come up with your own unique ideas!